Lessons
from Life
what Rosie Spencer teaches us
Rosie Spencer was
one of the people featured in our book Parenting
Under Pressure.
Rosie Spencer occupies
a niche in society defined by her role as a mother with learning
difficulties. She may not be typical of other parents but parents
like her typically face the same sorts of problems and pressures.
By looking closely at her life it is possible to identify the
wider social forces that bear more generally on people in her
position through the imprint they leave on her biography.
Rosie Spencer provides
a working example of Scheherazade's dictum that 'one life is
simply all lives lived separately'. The following practice points
stand out among the general lessons that Rosie Spencer's story
reveals:
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 1:
Be wary
of assuming that parents with learning difficulties do not have
the same feelings of care and affection for their children as
other parents or that their family bonds are weaker.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 2:
Parenting is about more than child-rearing.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 3:
Be wary of adopting too narrow a view of the parenting task.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 4:
Assessment, intervention and support must have regard to the
functioning of the family as a unit.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 5:
The parent-child relationship may be worth supporting even when
a parent cannot meet all the developmental needs of the child.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 6:
The need
for belonging on the part of children may outweigh any deficits
that outsiders see in the competence of their parents.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 7:
Beware of seeing parents' needs only in terms of their learning
difficulties.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 8:
Beware the danger of segregated services leading to segregated
needs and segregated lives.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 9:
Practitioners should take care not to undermine the socially
valued aspects of the parenting role.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 10:
Practitioners should organise services and support so that parents
experience being competent and feel in control.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 11:
Service providers must be ready to accept that parents with learning
difficulties are likely to exert heavy demands on their resources.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 12:
Practitioners must be aware of their capacity for exacerbating
the stress on families and augmenting the problems they face.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 13:
Practitioners must seek to avoid seeing parents only through
the distorting mirror of existing services.
Rosie Spencer's
Practice Pointer 14:
The attitude of practitioners towards parents is as important
as their actions; how support is delivered matters as much as
what support is delivered.
 'Knowing
Rosie Spencer' (Chapter 7) and 'Reading Rosie Spencer' (Chapter
8) in Parenting
Under Pressure: Mothers and Fathers with Learning Difficulties.
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