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Parents Together
guiding principles
Parents
Together adopted a principled approach
to working in partnership with parents drawing on the precedents
and examples set by:
- The self-advocacy movement - especially the idea of people working together
to find their own voice, speak up for themselves, challenge the
identity they have been assigned and fight for their rights as
full citizens.
- The citizen advocacy movement - especially the idea of actively representing
the interests of people with learning difficulties (in this case,
parents) and helping them establish informal supports within
their neighbourhoods.
- The self-help movement - especially the idea of people joining together
to do something about their common problems and to enhance their
sense of personal identity.
- The
supported parenting model
- especially the idea that parents should be regarded
as a resource (warranting support and investment) rather than
a problem.
practice guidelines
- Parents' involvement in the project is
voluntary ('No-one can make you let me into your home, no-one
can make you come to group meetings').
REMEMBER
THE PURPOSE IS TO HELP PEOPLE DO
THINGS FOR THEMSELVES NOT TO DO THINGS FOR THEM. WHEN WE WITHDRAW
FAMILIES MUST BE STRONGER AS A RESULT OF OUR INVOLVEMENT NOT
MORE DEPENDENT.
- Don't go in to a family and try to fix
things right away. Just get to know each other first. There
will be plenty of time later for problem-solving.
- Beware of stereotyping and preconceived
ideas.
- When starting with new families ask what
they need help with first and tackle that even if it doesn't
seem to you the most pressing problem.
- Faced with a heap of problems first tackle
the one you can do something about.
- Focus on building a family's strengths
rather than concentrating on its weaknesses.
- Don't feel you have you have to fix everything
for the family. Just try and help them make things better, and
help them feel better about themselves. At least don't make things
worse.
REMEMBER
SUPPORTING PARENTS SUPPORTS CHILDREN
- Always respect the family home.
- Proceed at the parents' pace. They set
the frequency of visits and the timetable of work.
- Never underestimate parents.
- It is very important to start and end
every session with something positive.
- If anything goes wrong put it down as
your fault (It's your lack of skills that meant you didn't see
it wouldn't work.)
- Educate practitioners about the parents
(e.g. inform police about regular harassment [if the parents
agree] or perhaps organise a group session where professionals
come and listen to parents' grievances).
REMEMBER
ADVOCACY IS THE GUIDING PRINCIPLE
IN ALL DEALINGS WITH PARENTS
- Encourage parents to come to group meetings:
to talk about themselves; to get to know other people and share
information; to realise that other people want to meet them and
listen to them; to see if we can help one another and ourselves.
- Parents often react against training.
They've either had it up to their necks or they've had bad experiences
of schooling in the past. Anything that resembles training needs
to be presented carefully.
REMEMBER
DON'T KEEP DOING WHAT DOESN'T WORK
- Beware of imposing your values on parents.
- Do not undermine parents in their handling
of their own children.
- Parents should be enabled to feel in control
and to experience being competent.
- Parents know if you don't like them.
Own up to the coordinator about your feelings and be prepared
to make way for someone else.
- Parents Together does not operate a policy
of obligatory reporting. Any worries or suspicions should be
discussed with the parents first and if necessary thereafter
with the project co-ordinators.
- Mums and dads are people too whose needs
as adults must be recognised as well as their responsibilities
as parents.
- Be truthful about who you are. Parents
Together is a project based at the university and not a bunch
of people doing work out of the goodness of their hearts.
REMEMBER
NO DEALING BEHIND PARENTS' BACKS
- Parents must at all times know we are
on their side and our actions must always be consistent with
this stance.
- Parents must be assured that the project
has no connection with the statutory services and our actions
must never compromise this independence.
- The project will operate a policy of open
records and parents will be given a copy of everything written
about them.
- Check with parents every time something
is written down. They may want to make a change. They must
always agree what you have recorded.
- All contacts with professionals and others
on behalf of parents will be made only with their permission,
and they will always be given a full report on the outcome.
REMEMBER
PARENTS TOGETHER IS NOT SEEKING TO REPLICATE OR REPLACE THE WORK
OF PRACTITIONERS. THE ADVOCACY ROLE IS ABOUT MAKING SURE PARENTS
RECEIVE THE SUPPORT AND SERVICES TO WHICH THEY ARE ENTITLED
- Parents are best supported in the context
of their own extended families, neighbourhoods and communities.
Stimulate and build on existing circles of support with the
parents' consent.
- Always look for the parent's way of working
rather than trying to make them fit ours.
- Parents must be engaged as active partners
in all aspects of the project.
- Whenever a plan of action is drawn up
with parents they must be presented with clear options and choices
and allowed to decide themselves what they want to do.
REMEMBER
AT ALL TIMES THE PROJECT SHOULD
AIM AT:
ENABLING PARENTS
BY CREATING OPPORTUNITIES FOR THEM TO EXHIBIT THEIR COMPETENCE
EMPOWERING PARENTS
BY IMPROVING THEIR SENSE OF CONTROL OVER THEIR OWN LIVES
ENHANCING PARENTS'
SELF-ESTEEM
EXTENDING PARENTS'
SOCIAL NETWORKS
 Advocacy
for Parents with Learning Difficulties, Pavilion Publishers, Brighton, July, 1998
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